BDSM For Beginners

At its most basic, BDSM is an umbrella term for 3 categories: bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism (more details on those in a minute). They might each sound scary in their own right, but BDSM can actually be the safest (and most fun) kind of sex you can have. As a beginner, you'll want to take things slowly until you figure out what BDSM looks like for you and your partner(s), since someone else's methods won't necessarily get you going.

Below is everything you need to know if you’re thinking about trying your hand at BDSM so that the sexual encounter will leave you pleasured and empowered.

• Educate yourself : Porn is not the best idea. Instead, I recommend you to read books about it, explore some forum about the subject, assist in some classes like shibari class, bring in a sex therapist if needed, etc.
• Figure out what’s hot and sexy for you : Don’t be afraid to start with your own imagination and what turns you on. Not sure what does it for you? Read some BDSM stories that have power themes or watch ethical porn that has BDSM to see what you might be into.
• Talk it out : Have an honnest conversation with your partner(s) ,if they consent about it, about your desires, your ‘turn ons’ , your boundaries. Also, it’s important to verbalize any fears or if something makes you anxious. For example, let them know if having your hands cuffed makes you anxious. From there, the two of you will be able to better negotiate consent and identify your limits to make sure that you're both comfortable throughout the process.
• Come up with a safe word : Speaking of safety, if things go too far and you or your partner(s) cross a boundary you didn't anticipate, decide on a word you'll say (and obviously listen to) if that time comes. Once you hear or say the safe word, everything should stop immediately. BDSM only works when it's mutual pleasurable for everyone involved. Ask your partner(s) if they're okay, stay by their side until they've expressed what it is that called for the safe word, and then ask them what they'll need from that moment forward.
• Shop : BDSM is exciting in its own right, but bringing in toys and props can take the fun up a notch. Lucky you! You’re at the good place! Go check out our BDSM section!
• Check for emotional safety : That means asking your partner(s) if they’re feeling comfortable. A simple ‘Are you okay?’ may suffice or you may develop a non-verbal cue to communicate.
• The Aftercare : The conversation you have after the experience is just as much a part of sex as the acts themselves. This conversation, typically called "aftercare," is a chance to debrief by asking your partner(s) about what they enjoyed most and what they were thinking when you, say, lightly spanked them. It is also a good moment for some people to feel softness from your partner(s) by gentle touch.
• Go slowly : Take your time, you don’t have to try everything at once. Explore, step by step, with no rush!