Why Foreplay Matters

If you think "sex" refers only to intercourse, it's time to reconsider your opinion and have a frank conversation about the importance of foreplay. The payoff to slowing down: longer, stronger, more electrifying pleasure. Establishing intimacy through foreplay can be a way to show that genuine affection exists, in a way that the "Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am" approach simply cannot. Some people need to feel wanted and appreciated before engaging in sexual relations, and by skipping "bases," you're not showing that your care that much about their pleasure but you are also not living up to your pleasure potential.

Let’s Define Foreplay First

In terms of sex, foreplay is usually defined as erotic stimulation preceding intercourse. It is also anything you and your partner(s) like to do to get in the mood, such as slowly undressing each other, role-playing, talking about fantasies, massaging, etc. What that “event” entails may not look the same to you as it does to someone else — and that’s perfectly OK.

It can also actually be the main event! Foreplay can hold its own and be all you need to have pleasure or reach orgasm. As a matter of fact, research has long shown that many people with vaginas don’t orgasm with intercourse alone. So, as long as there’s consent, foreplay can be and include anything you want.

What’s making it so good?

By taking the time to experience intimacy and pleasure together without going straight to the intercourse, you're giving yourself the opportunity to build anticipation, which can increased levels of excitement and lead to greater arousal. This step is important because not everyone is ready to go straight to intercourse at any second. Taking the time to build up arousal makes it easier for your brain and your body to be available to go further.

Thus, sexual arousal causes a number of physical responses in your body, including dilation of your blood vessels, more blood flow to the genitals (which causes the labia, clitoris, and penis to swell), swelling of the breasts and erect nipples, lubricating of the vagina, etc. So, when you skip the base, your vagina is clearly not ready to receive anything and, contrary to some beliefs, no, taking the time for foreplay will not make you lose your erection. By allowing time to it, you’ll be more relaxed and your body will be more welcoming, it will reduce performance anxiety and make you more comfortable . which will give you the best experience ever. (This should ring a bell to people who have erectile dysfunction, problem with early ejaculation, vaginal dryness and more. )

And if stress has interfered with your libido, a little foreplay may do the trick. Kissing, for example, triggers a release of oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin. This combination of chemicals decreases cortisol (stress hormone) levels, and increases feelings of affection, bonding, and euphoria. Engaging in foreplay helps build emotional intimacy that can make you and your partner(s) feel more connected and satisfied in and out of the bedroom. Not in a relationship? Not a problem! Foreplay also lowers inhibitions, which can make sex hotter between couples and virtual strangers alike.

Additionally, those moments can be used to explore areas of the body that might not otherwise be stimulated during intercourse. This can lead to a more varied, exciting and pleasurables experience.

What if your partner doesn’t seem interested in foreplay?

Some people just don’t seem to care about foreplay. Yeah, being a lazy or selfish lover could be part of the problem, but it might just also come down to a lack of confidence in their skills or a lack of information about the how’s and why’s.

Talking about what you want in bed isn’t always easy, especially if you’re worried about hurting or offending your partner.

Here are some tips to make it a little easier:

1. Start on a positive note: Instead of mentioning what they’re not doing, begin by telling them what they do that feels good and how you want more. For example: “I love it when make out before we have sex. I could let you do that to me all night.”

2. Don’t lay blame: Telling them your body’s craving something different will go over a lot better than telling them they’re not satisfying you.

3. Show and tell: Sometimes a person needs a little extra encouragement. The next time you hug or kiss, hold them a little longer and gently guide them with your hand while telling them how good it feels.

4. Ask them what they want from you: Tell them how much turning them on turns you on. Follow with asking if there’s anything they want you to do more of. It’s a great way to open up the dialogue so you can both share what you want.

5. Tell them why it’s important to you. You might need to lay it all on the table and make them understand why you need foreplay.

*Some points that might be worth mentioning: It helps you get wetter/harder for sex; It helps you orgasm or have stronger orgasms; Not everyone gets aroused at the same pace and some need more time than others; It helps you feel closer to them; It increases body awareness of pleasure zones, etc.

It's clear that taking the time to enjoy foreplay during sex can have many wonderful benefits. Not only can it help to make the experience more pleasurable, but it can also help to build trust and intimacy between partners. So the next time you and your partner(s) are engaging in a sexual experience, don't forget to take some extra time to enjoy and explore each other through foreplay. You may be surprised by how much you learn and how much pleasure you can experience!