Build Sex Tension

In order to maintain a hot and steamy sex life, you’ve got to learn how to build sexual tension. Sexual tension is not just a precursor to pleasure—it’s pleasure in and of itself. Research shows that dopamine is actually released in anticipation of receiving a reward (e.g. hot sex) as opposed to when the reward is received. When the anticipation is peppered with unpredictability, dopamine levels are twice as high. So one of the keys to building sexual tension is to build anticipation.

How to build anticipation? Get your flirt on!

Do you and your partner(s) still flirt like you used to? If so, great! If not, it might be time to bring it back! Flirting reinforces your long-term relationship by reminding what you love about your partner(s), keeps the romantic spark alive, and gets your subconscious brain thinking about sex.

Flirting isn’t just about sexual overtures—it’s about demonstrating your overall interest and investment in the other person(s), which means that non-sexual behaviors matter, too; You’ll be building tension, and excitement, that will drive your partner(s) wild.

Here’s 4 ways to help you build up sex tension:

1. Flirty Touch

Physically teasing a partner is extremely effective in creating tension. A pinch on the butt, a bite on the neck, or deep intimate kissing, which does not lead to sex, starts to kindle the sexual fires of desire — if that’s something they’re OK with, of course.

Think also of all those erogenous zones which are not genital like the neck, the ears, the scalp, the lips, the inner arm, etc. Caress the those parts with your fingertips, or even with gentle kisses.

Breath kisses is also a great physical way to build anticipation. Bring your lips as close to the surface of their skin as possible and breath gentle kisses over their collarbone, neck, inner thighs, etc.

2. Flirty Talk

Flirty talk is not only whispering dirty talks in the ear of the other (it can also be this of course, to complete our flirty touches), but it's also:

Complimenting them! Remind them how pretty you think they are, what inspires you about them, how proud you are, etc;

Making them laught! Joking with each other is a great way to flirt because it makes you both feel happy, obviously, and it’s also awesome for bonding. Just remember to make jokes together, not about each other because that kind can be mean and will have the opposite effect;

Talking about intense intellectual topics can also be a big turn on for some people! This kind of conversation can make us feel like we are alone together in our own bubble and make us feel even closer to each other.

3. Lovely Attentions

Think random acts of love, such as surprise flowers, leaving sensual notes around the house, candy, running a hot bubble bath, date nights, spontaneous vacations, spa day, etc. Or, take some tasks off of your partner’s plate when they have a lot going on or seem to be stressed. These types of things can help you to stay emotionally connected, which is one of the main ingredients to passion in an LTR.

4. Sexting

Sexting is a fun, playful way to let your partner know they are on your mind. I can not overemphasize the power of a good midday sext to get your blood up when you're in a long-term relationship. Who doesn't like getting sexy messages of someone they love or reading what they're going to do to you when they get home? Sext it up!

For example, you might talk about what you want to do the next time, past encounters you’ve had together, how much they turn you on, share your fantasies. The best tips on how to spice up your sex life are often somewhat cerebral—you have to put a little thought into them. So, display the creativity of your brain, which is your biggest sex organ, after all.

If you’re not sure where to begin, just fill in the blanks :

“I want you to ____ my ____ slowly while you ___ your ____.”

“I want to do ___ to you when I get home.”

“ I loved it so much the other night when you did ___. Can't wait to do it again!”

Feeling ready? Let's go, give it a try!

So these are great ways to create anticipation and keep your partner(s) on your mind all day, but fore sure there are more and you can get creative with them! It’s amazing how much better sex is when you look forward to it. Giving each other attention and making each other our priority fills our emotional needs, but also showing our partner(s) we really want them throughout the day sets up the evening for success.